He truly was a good man to all who were in need. He was highly respected and loved by many people who had experienced his comfort and prayers in times of need. (Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, to her email, or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.) View CommentsÄEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband of 58 years died last year. We would love to have you over to celebrate your retirement privately." And if you are feeling cheeky, you might add, "We promise not to charge for the drinks." If you want to be exceedingly gracious, you might invite him to a simple dinner party at your home, telling him, "The university event seemed a bit impersonal. Miss Manners feels for your friend, who, as you say, was undoubtedly coerced into this brazen event in his name. GENTLE READER: Common or not, using a retirement as a fundraiser by padding the cost is unseemly - and hardly celebratory. Is this sort of pay-to-play event becoming common? Is there anything I can or should say besides politely declining? I do plan to give him a gift and pay him a personal visit. Knowing the retiree, I don't think this was his idea, and I feel a bit guilty over declining. We agreed that there are various ideas for having a party on a budget and/or cost-sharing, but this approach was not a good one. After discussing it with my wife, I checked the "regrets" box. Although I can afford the occasional splurge, I was taken aback. Under the RSVP menu, I was further informed that dinner reservations and a cash bar were available - at a price two or three times what I would normally pay for a pleasant night out. The invitation arrived by email from a university-sponsored website. I've been invited to a big retirement dinner at a local venue. DEAR MISS MANNERS: A respected academic mentor and later colleague is retiring from a major university in the city where we both live.
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